10 Ways to Improve Your Active Listening Skills

Effective communication does not merely depend on what you say but how you listen too. Most of the time, we fail at communicating due to our inability to listen actively to each other. We may be planning what to say next, browsing our phones while conversing, making unnecessary assumptions, or just waiting for our turn to talk.

Active listening involves giving full attention to the other person and making a conscious effort to listen. Instead of mere hearing, it requires you to pay attention to what the other person says, understand their message, pick up the emotions that come with it, and respond appropriately.

Whether you are communicating with your friend, family member, colleague, superior, or even client, listening effectively will enable you to have a more engaging conversation. The best part about listening is that it is a skill that you can develop through practice. Below are 10 tips on how to become an effective active listener.

1. Pay Close Attention to the Speaker

The first and one of the most essential active listening skills is paying full attention to the speaker. When somebody is speaking, avoid distractions and listen to them attentively. Try not to check your cell phone, look at other electronic devices, or get distracted by unrelated thoughts. Where possible, keep natural eye contact and show your interest through your body language.

To pay close attention means to listen to understand, not to wait until your turn to speak. Do not think about your next words or sentences; try to understand the message of the speaker. Of course, sometimes it might be impossible to get rid of all distracting factors, but you can do something to make your listening much better.

2. Avoid Interrupting

Interrupting may prevent the speaker from expressing their idea completely. Though sometimes you feel very enthusiastic or think that you already know what the speaker is going to say, let them finish. Pay attention to the urge to interrupt with your opinions, corrections, your own experiences, or your solutions.

A little break after they are done talking can be useful too. It will give you some time to think about what was said to you and give them a chance to say what else could be left unsaid by them. Active listening takes some patience from you. You do not need to respond right after they finish their sentence.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Another great technique that will help you develop your listening skills is to ask good questions. Open-ended questions will give people an opportunity to tell more about themselves. Do not ask questions that can be answered only by "yes" or "no." Try to ask the ones that will make them talk a little more. You could ask questions such as, “What influenced your decision?” or “How did that experience make you feel?”

Your questions should come out of real interest in what the person is telling you. Listen to the answers and think about the next question based on what you have heard. When your questions are relevant to what the person tells you, it will look like a normal conversation.

4. Paraphrase What You Heard

Paraphrasing means repeating the speaker's key message using your words. It is one of the most effective active listening techniques to avoid misunderstanding. For instance, you may state: "I understand that the main issue is the shortage of time." This way, you give the speaker a chance to verify whether you have understood their message correctly or not.

Paraphrasing is not about saying the exact words that the speaker used. Your job is to convey the main idea or issue. It will be especially helpful if you need to discuss a complex issue, to resolve some disputes, or to communicate on a matter of importance. Taking a little time for clarification may save you from major issues later on.

5. Pay Attention to Nonverbal Communication

Listening is not only about words. The speaker's tone of voice, facial expression, body language, etc. may tell you something extra. For instance, you may hear that everything is okay, but the tone of voice indicates the opposite. Such an observation may encourage you to listen attentively or to find out if the person would like to discuss the issue.

However, do not assume that body language is evidence of the thoughts and emotions of the individual. Body posture or facial expressions can be explained in several ways. It is important to interpret body language as supplementary to verbal messages. In case of inconsistency, ask a relevant question instead of concluding.

6. Listen Without Immediately Judging

Listening becomes very complicated if you already make conclusions about whether the person is right or wrong. Good listening skills presuppose understanding of the whole message. This does not mean that you should necessarily share the same point of view as the interlocutor. Sometimes, you can understand a person's position and still hold a different opinion at the same time.

In case of a non-standard point of view expressed by someone, try to be curious and think about the reasons why they think so. Suspend instant judgment to create space for deeper understanding. This will help people talk openly without the need to defend themselves from the very beginning.

7. Reflect the Speaker's Feelings

A good listener pays attention to the feelings associated with the speaker's words. It is not always the case that the person is just conveying information to you. They may also be feeling frustrated, excited, disappointed, afraid, or relieved at the same time.

Acknowledge this feeling where necessary. For instance, you might respond with, “That sounds incredibly frustrating” or “It seems like that experience really mattered to you.” It is unnecessary to fix their problems right away. In many cases, people simply want someone to listen to them. Being conscious of the emotions can help you become a better listener.

8. Manage Your Own Distractions and Assumptions

Just like outside distractions, your own distractions can equally distract you. During the conversation, you may start thinking about your own experience or predict what the other person is going to say next. This practice may take away from the details of the conversation.

Be aware of when you get distracted and bring your mind back to the speaker. In addition, avoid jumping to conclusions because you think that you know what the other person meant. Even though you may have already heard that story from someone else before, that does not mean that you know how they feel or what they experienced.

The ability to listen without letting yourself be distracted by your thoughts is very important for your listening skills.

9. Respond Thoughtfully Instead of Reacting Automatically

Listen first, respond later. In situations when people are emotionally engaged or arguing, it might be easy to respond instantly. Take a second or two to process what you just heard and make sure that you responded to what they actually said.

If you are not in agreement with what the other person is saying, start your reply by acknowledging their point of view. If something was not clear, ask them to clarify instead of making assumptions.

Your thoughtful response will show that you were listening. It will also prevent you from getting into an argument where both of you wait for their chance to prove themselves.

10. Practice Active Listening Consistently

As with all other forms of communication, listening skills become better with practice. You don't have to learn how to do all the tips perfectly right from the start. Identify one of your weak points concerning listening. You may start practicing by leaving your phone out of reach when a person addresses you. As soon as this task becomes easy for you, you will be able to practice open-ended questioning and repeating some key points.

Think about what happened after each conversation in order to find out whether you interrupted the person, assumed something without listening carefully, understood their point, and gave them enough freedom of expression. Gradual practice will make it easier for you to concentrate on listening.

Conclusion

The development of your active listening skill will contribute to more effective communication between you and those you deal with. Being attentive to the speaker, not interrupting him, asking meaningful questions, paraphrasing his words, and paying attention to nonverbal cues can be helpful for more effective communication.

To become an excellent listener, one should be patient and aware of their emotions. It is important to try to understand the speaker first, feel his emotions, minimize distractions, and think for some time before answering. You don't have to answer perfectly in any conversation. Sometimes, simply listening is the most helpful thing you can do.

Take any one of the active listening techniques right now. Put your mobile phone away, listen without interrupting, and give enough time to the speaker to finish their thoughts. Small changes in your attitude to listening can make a big difference in communication.

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